Thousand Petals Project

A sudden rainshower disturbed my copasetic yoga practice this morning. I wonder what Alma’s up to, with her poor broken face. We often suffer injury at our weakest point.

It was starting to rain, so I thought to bring in the communal towels that were drying outside. As I folded in the foyer, Avi came through, and we marvelled at how it was raining in the bright sun on one side of the house, but not on the other.

Peter, Alma’s husband and servant, came through a few moments later, and I asked after her health. Folding the towels is Alma’s domain.

“Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.” I widened my eyes to indicate the vastness of anything, met his fearful gaze, and felt the sex spark unexpectedly deep in my uterus.

Feelings aren’t that powerful unless they are acknowledged by more than one person. Who started that spark? Am I just receptive, empathic and feminine enough to feel people’s feelings, or can I use my own sex-energy to fuck with people?

A storm is brewing to the northwest. Miriam thinks that a storm is brewing inside as well. I hope so! I feel so alive, so happy here! I haven’t been this happy since Pup.

I’m finding more joy in these social interactions than I thought was possible.

Moshe hurt his back playing volleyball while Davina and I were making peach jam from the generous tree in the backyard. A disc injury in the lower back, above the 2nd or 3rd vertebrae.

Same as the tension in Avi’s back. Typical of a young man spending too much time in front of a screen – i’ve seen the same tightness in almost every man I’ve dated.

Avi asked me for some yoga moves to help his back, and Miriam assisted in our healing session. She kind of cock-blocked me without knowing it, but he has Sara, and I adore Sara as much as I adore everyone here. What is wrong with me? A vast heart.

Miriam is a healer, too. It’s so good to talk with someone who understands energy in people. She’s lived life and she gets it, like a mother does. I love her, too. I sometimes wish I was the kind of person who could be a good friend.

Davina, too. I love her, too – her depth, her earthiness, her Israeli bluntness and her Scandinavian sweetness. I think i inadvertently hurt her when I said that I wish I could be playing volleyball while we were making jam together. But, of course, I wanted to be there with Davina and the jam! That’s why I chose to be there, and not at the ill-fated volleyball match that caused such injury to Moshe’s back.

It seemed like the whole compound was at the match except Davina and I, so I only heard what happened second-hand. There were several games, and Moshe landed on a previously injured spot on his back during a heroic save.

I thought I could help Moshe that evening, and I tried to place healing energy into his back. He said that he didn’t feel a difference, but my bones felt shaken and my shins tingled heavily, like dull brass.

Sometime during the second game, Jessica got offended and flounced off the court. She told me it was because Ariel gave her an exasperated look after she missed several shots in a row. Everyone else told me it was because she’s a bitch.

I can see that Jessica is having a difficult time in this strange situation. She’s more and more inclined inwards, and i see her getting lost in her fears. Some days she just won’t respond to my (admittedly far too cheerful) greetings. She’s always looking down and in – her phone, her laptop, the oven, the stove, the Bible… I guess whatever’s there is making her grumpy.

She did say that her hormones got out of control in the weeks before her time of the month, and it made her cranky. Well, here we are. I think she needs to get laid.

The 4 single guys (room 5) were hanging out in the dining room a few days ago and i asked them if they’d decided who would get Jessica and who would get Christine.

“If this really was the end of the world,” I asked them, “if the Coronavirus destroyed mankind, and all that was left was this one bubble of the Zula, what would happen? We’d have to repopulate the planet, for sure, with as much genetic diversity as possible. You’re the single guys – that means one of you has to take Jessica and one of you has to take Christine. It’s your duty to the entire species.”

A good-natured argument ensued, with much finger-pointing and bawdy laughter. I love these guys! Ariel and Itai agreed they’d rather be with each other than with Christine. Jessica’s fate was unclear.

It’s surprising to me that these young ladies have such lovely figures but such repellant personalities. Not that being attractive sexually has anything to do with one’s value. It’s just that the pieces are all there inside of these young women (warmth, kindness… nu, what else do you need to be a pleasant human?) and these pieces don’t match up to make a whole that is desirable.

I just wanna juggle those pieces around, match up some edges for them. But dammit, it’s none of my business.

If there’s one thing that I learned from killing Pup, it’s that you shouldn’t fuck with the way things are.