Emails between Sister and I
On June 1, 7:43pm, Sister wrote:
Hello! I forgot to wish you a happy Shavouot! It is already passed, but today; June 1 2020, is Pentecost Monday in France, nothing is open, so it reminded me. These holidays always have beautiful weather over here. God bless you, Sister!
On June 5, 2:12pm, I wrote:
Dearest Sister,
Hello! Mama wrote and said you were sick with a virus – I hope you are ok?! Of course I worry about you and the family in such a populated area. Have you been to the doctor? Does the honey help? I’m so sorry, I wish I could help. Actually, maybe I can – let me know if there’s anything I can do. Maybe I can even fly to you if you would like that?
I just heard that my ex-husband’s grandfather had a stroke. It’s hard. I love him – he’s such a loving, strong male influence in my life (better than Papa, by a long shot). He’s helped me, especially with my dog, Rogue, and he really listens to me (unlike most men). Should I run back, as my ex-mother-in-law hopes, to be by his death-bed?
He’s the only one of that family that I care for, and I know I should just let them go. But I am so loyal to my stupid heart. I want to help – I know I can help – but why? Stupid love. It always overwhelms me and distracts me from doing anything productive for myself.
And what am I doing here? Drifting around aimlessly with an English bloke and wasting money. I might as well do that in the States, right?
Sister, fight this virus! Rest well! I hope you have good nourishing soups and stuff. I will pray for you. And this English bloke is a Mormon, and he says he can get other Mormons to pray for you, too. He’s a little weird, but adorable. And I’ll have to break up with him because I’m paying for everything and he talks too much.
I have to make all the decisions for 2 people – he has no input and a lot to say. A man-child, I guess. And I guess that’s why I’ll run from New Zealand; maybe soon.
I tried living with him in his caravan for a week, but it was very cold, and the owners of the property said I couldn’t stay, so here we are, drifters. Ridiculous.
I don’t think there’s anything here for me. You’re so lucky to have a stable base. Please feel better soon! Sorry i haven’t written much lately. Stupid Mormon. I love you!
On Jun 6, 9:48am, Sister wrote:
Dear Sister, I do not know exactly what the headache and fever were from. I did not say it was coronavirus, but maybe? Today, my partner, out of the kindness of his heart, made a very delicious beef stew. Plus, we had some cherries. My headache diminished after that (almost completely gone), I felt more energy, and the fever disappeared.
Who knows? Maybe it was just a lack of iron. I did take a spoonful of honey, it was very delicious, it helped too. I stopped coughing. We took a walk despite rainy weather, and went home to light Shabbat candles as a family. As usual I have to keep the two eldest children from being pyromaniacs.
Gosh the owners of the property are lame. What kind of help is that- they just kicked you out in the middle of winter? It doesn’t seem too pleasant to be in a cold caravan either. You are certainly roughing it.
I did not realize there are British Mormons. I though they didn’t drink caffeine. Tea is lighter than coffee though, and a British Mormon probably couldn’t drop that. I loved JD Fitzgerald’s Great Brain books, so after I found all in the series, I also got his books “Papa married a Mormon” and “Mamma’s boarding house”. They are a tad more violent/ adult content books, but the same writer, so I enjoyed them.
My eldest devoured all the Great Brain books- I guess those books spoiled her – she was less interested in Roald Dahl and had almost zero interest in French books. I feel bad about it because I have no direction to give her in French literature, except boring college texts… I liked Phèdre.. but it’d be too much for her age.
What is happening in America is interesting to the whole world. They had some manifestations in England, in France too, against police brutality. Even in my city, I think my partner said, in front of the American consulate, they walked on their knees to protest.
Are you sure you would come to coronavirus capital in France? I know Frenchies are not yet allowed to go out of France. I think to come into France it is still complicated (quarantine). Maybe since you are from NZ they’d be nice about it though.
I don’t know what to suggest about your ex-grandfather-in-law. I tell my third child: stop getting distracted… just find your goal… and do it. (it is like pulling teeth to get her to finish whatever she starts – even that delicious stew or the cherries). That’s the advice I’ve been recently cranking out, so I’ll try to sell it to you, too.
That is nice your dude is cute and all, but honestly! He needs to man up and pay his part! It is hard enough being a woman, even without social inequality – just having a woman’s body is simply quite painful – a little gratitude on his end would be nice.
I will pray for you to have direction and make the right decision where to go. I know my partner used to pray for you when you were in conflict with your ex-husband; he was scared your ex-husband could kill you with some of those guns. Take good care of yourself,
Shabbat Shalom
Love, Sister
Emails between Mother and I
On June 7, 9:50am, I wrote:
Hi Mama!
Wow – that’s very cool of the DC mayor to paint ‘Black Lives Matter’ on the city streets! So, what do you think? Is the US safe now?
I haven’t made any solid plans for a flight home, but I’m spending so much money here. I have to do something differently. I’m up in the north part of the South Island again, because it’s warmer here! I wanted to visit the North Island, but the ferry is booked until September.
Also, I found a nice Englishman for company, but he’s not a keeper. It’s been hard finding a cheap place to stay. The kiwi harvests are in, though, and there’s cheap fruit everywhere. We’ve been eating tons of golden kiwis. I love you!
On June 7, 12:40pm, Mother wrote:
I love my daughter!
He-he! About the Englishman I knew, it is in your horoscope. Also, it said that you will figure out some ‘secret’ about him, as if he is a ‘married’ man or some other lie and will decide to shovel him out of life if even you had plans to marry. It is alright if it is in the stars.
The next will be a better catch! It will be always better. According to my life experience! But I like the fact, that you are together today, you need support in the foreign country. Also, I think it is lucky and a beautiful country! It is hard to get a real working visa in order to lead a dignifying life there?
I assume you didn’t apply for a visa until now, huh? Do not be afraid, go ahead, try! It just feels strange and frightening, but you never know it until you try it – it doesn’t cost money, but may bring some income so you will feel better about yourself, though.
People are people there – they would understand you and your situation if even your own [divorced!] parents tell you to hold on horses and do not come now! About the money. I talk to your father last month he said, proudly, that he is supporting you financially in the NZ. Is this true? Then why money is a problem? Say: Thank you, Papa! And use his generosity while it lasts!
It shouldn’t be a problem. I think, with the horrifying experience of divorce you lost the perspective of the world and the sense of self-security. Do not worry about money. Never. I know, it sounds crazy, but this what my mother taught me, I think from her experience.
All the time you are alive there would be money for you to survive. It is not a teaching of the “rich dad” who would teach you to save, collect money, become rich, and some more… It is the words of a person who stayed alive in the circumstances when other people lost the hope and gone under the water. What I try to say: now – this is a crisis and not just in your life: you are the lucky one.
It sounds surprising but so true! You are in NZ! Your life is safe from the strange and evil disease, from the cops, from the horrific unrests, as if GOD took you into His hands and carefully placed you there for the time being. Your goal is to solve the puzzle of survival in NZ side of the world. That how I see it.
About the question: if it is safe to come back and when. It is a serious question and deserves a serious answer. Let us do some research. Now, my partner is in the car on his way to NY [what is new?]. He said to me there is some four stages plan to re-open the country. Now we are on the stage One, although, people are opening the businesses, which is maybe not very wise, but are people are tired of self-isolation.
He will see how it works in the government’s many papers and graphs tomorrow and tell me. He thought maybe in Autumn, but then it would be a second wave of it. But he is the one who must see from every possible angle before he says something.
He is a nudnik but at least, trustworthy. One just has to learn some patience lessons with him and then everything falls in the right place. It is good you didn’t do something definite about it so you would have some flexibility. I know, it sucks, defeats the whole purpose of following the Sun as it was planned, but it is a small price to pay, believe me.
When it will be all over you would look back and say: Praise the God! It was a very good experience for me, though! I am glad you are in the warmer place now. If you can go to an even warmer place – I will be just glad for you: at least there would be a little baby step towards the Sun in this journey for you!
I love the fact that you eat kiwi a lot, and the fruits are cheap now! It is good for your constipation problems, sorry, I cannot find a prettier word for it. But I thought about it a lot, that you may be suffering from it because of your irregular schedule of life.
I love you so much. If you ever knew how much. I have never worried about your sister to this extent. Please, be safe, be smart, wise, protected. Think about your personal safety first. The rest would fall into the place itself. God bless you, save you, guide you, give you His wisdom, and ease of understanding of the situation. I love you so much, and some more.
Maybe, it is a time for you to write this book that you hold in your mind, heart, huh? You have a lot of time now, do the best with it!
Be in touch, Love,
Mother
https://news.yahoo.com/university-washington-forecasts-145-000-020151153.html
On Jun 13, 2020, 5:55pm, Mother wrote:
How do you do, babe? Is it clearer your journey today?
One day I saw you in my dream: you were looking for your horoscope, or teaching it over the internet, and telling me abruptly: “Be quiet! Don’t you see, I am busy?!”
Then, I got an idea, what is new? I listened to several ladies and gentlemen for your horoscope, and they are do not know each other, but essentially telling the same: you have some love, but after you realized the lie he is feeding you, don’t be sorry about it: kick his ass out of your life so you can make a space for real love with fulfillment, love, understanding, the real thing in September -Oct.-Dec. [there were three cards, but of course! I forgot them, but they are all good and kind to you.]
Second, they mentioned about the plans to travel to faraway lands. [What a surprise!] You would see, the plans are scrambled, but don’t worry, it is good to not travel because there is some corridor of eclipses from June 5, to June 22, and July 5. It is not a good time for travel, especially by air. [several of them said.]
And try to not be on a road a lot these days, and be aware of the sharp objects. It is time to relax, reflect on what you learned in the past 12-18 months, make the conclusions, and go ahead [as: not backward]. Those lessons were spiritual, not for physical life. They called it: karmic lessons. If you graduated, got some more self-esteem, self-awareness, that you will not have to go back, but come to nirvana, according to one of the lecturers.
However, another said that if you have something to change in your outer look that you wanted to do for a while, but was afraid, wasn’t sure; do it in June. It would be successful and you will be so beautiful and love yourself. It would be reflected in your image and will draw to you the right, kind, good people that you need in your life. It could be a haircut, some cosmetic stuff, spa, or whatever is connected with your look.
Yes, another, the previous lecturer, not with the connection to Leos, but about something else he talked: We sat in isolation so long and we need the haircut. Go cut it as short as you can for your face because in the length of our hair we are accumulating the sadness of the past – cut it away and feel free of its load!
I am, too, gonna cut my hair. Do not worry, and be safe, I love you, my Darling. You are always in my heart and in my prayers.
Do, and do not be sorry about your decision: it is done because I decided such! You will be so pleased with yourself and your decisions! But do not do them on the empty place: listen to the news, understand them, draw the conclusions. Make plans and maps of your actions. If you have to stay in NZ until September, so be it! Father is not leaving you in limbo.
Oh! It reminds me, one of them said: be vigilant in June: someone looking for your money, to steal, do not give anyone the opportunity to do such a crime! Save his karma from this sin! Kick his ass before he would have an opportunity! Good luck! Those things I wanted to share with you for your goodness.
Also, you probably already saw some emails from your ex-mother-in-law. She asked me yesterday to call you and ask you to call her. I think, her Dad is in bad shape and she thought you are in the country, so she can ask you the favor to stay with him. [as if she doesn’t have a very big family, children, and their families as well!] Or, she just wanted to cry on your shoulder, as if she doesn’t have anyone else[?]
But I sound clinical, and it is maybe not good. She wasn’t nice before and now I do not know how to react when she is in such trouble! I wish I could be helpful. From another side, I feel like in the situation with my relatives: the moment they would finish using me they would do something so backstabbing so I will remember never to show up and remind them with my presence of the worst, miserable, and most shameful moments of their lives.
So, I said kindly that I am sorry about the situation with her dad. Also, that you have had respect for Grandma and Grandfather since you were in college! It is not corona. He had the last stage of lung cancer and now, ten days ago, he got a stroke. But you maybe know it better than I did. Also, I said yes, I will tell you all of this, but you never call me either, just once or lesser a month! When you will call I will tell you it all.
Please, be safe, be beautiful, be wise. God bless you in every moment of your life, in any direction you go or think. Enjoy this country while you can. Each moment counts. I hope you went to the north of the country and not the south, where it is cold for you, huh?
Love you. Yes, she said [another one of the horoscopes]: it is such a bad year for everyone – with 5 eclipses in it – to marry or to get pregnant. Do not marry or get a child this year so the memory of 2020 will not be imprinted on its DNA and karma. I don’t know! I maybe shouldn’t listen to them.
But if you remember, once, the one Russian said: it will be a revolution in the USA. I thought: how much one should have a brainwashed hatred towards the USA to tell such stupidity from the blue! Look at us today! I do not believe my eyes!
But I am glad – it is long overdue: the Time has come. Also, I am glad that you are not here, you are young, you would be mingled in between all of them and everyone is so righteous! Oh! Maybe, God just stuck you there in order to save you?! Maybe, He has better plans for you that we even can imagine?! Maybe, God loves you more than we ever imagined?! Who knows?! Just God does.
Also, another one said: it is a year of the global changes and new, higher spiritual vibrations. We will feel it after the middle of June. Trust your intuition but be vigilant about nosy people who are too much into your business. Maybe, it is for me, too? I am also a too trustful person, it is embarrassing to admit!
In June it is starting a new cycle of 60 years – on a new vibrational level, whatever this means. Whatever was important before will be not anymore, it would be a shift into different priorities and perspectives. But you maybe know it better, because you did all of this labor of the cleansing.
OK, this is it. Be in touch, tell me where are you now? How do you do, feel, what is on your mind? Yes, they all said that June is not a good time for traveling, but a time for relaxing, observing, and thinking. A lot. OK, Please, be safe, be happy, maybe, you can find some synagogue there, huh? Just a thought. Love, love a lot, and some more, Mother
On June 15, 2020, 2:53pm, I wrote:
Hi Mama!
I’ve taken a break from the Englishman (he was annoying me) so I could have some time to think. I’m in a nice room with a kitchen in the southwest corner of NZ, but it is too cold and rainy to explore the area. I’m getting used to the cold, and I found some great wool clothes in their secondhand stores for $2!
Papa did send me money, but it isn’t enough. I don’t want to deal with him, so I just shut up and said thank you. He sent me a total of $2500, which seems like a lot of money! That was 2 months ago, and I gave the lodge $500 for keeping me through lockdown, and spent $750 on the rental car. I’m struggling to find rooms cheaper than $50 per night – it only takes 20 nights to waste $1000. And food is expensive, too.
I can’t solve the puzzle. It’s the exact same puzzle in the United States, though. I guess I have to come home? I got an email from my ex-mother-in-law about her father and his stroke. I feel so bad for him. I should go back and be by his bedside or something.
I do find it strange that my ex-mother-in-law needs so much emotional support from me, especially since I’ve been trying to distance myself. I’m sorry that you had to talk to her on the phone. Thank you. I know you are so good at being there for people when they need help, and I hope it wasn’t too negative for you.
I will look for a ticket home sometime after July 5 – I might as well wait for a day when the stars are aligned in a good way! On July 12, mercury goes out of retrograde, so maybe I should wait until then! Oh! But my taxes! I should get home earlier to do them.
Well. I haven’t really made much progress in the 4 days that I’ve been alone, but you will be happy to hear that I am writing. Feel free to prune any plants that you need to – I am just happy if anything survives! Thank you!
I hope you are doing well? We are down to level 1 lockdown, with no new cases in NZ! I’m so proud of us! I love you!
Emails between my ex-mother-in-law and I
On June 5, 2020, 11:15am, Ex-mother-in-law wrote:
Hey girl, just a note to give you an update on Dad. Today is Thursday. On Monday, Dad had a stroke. It was very scary and I’ve been quite upset about it. Obviously we had to take him to the emergency room and he was admitted. He is hopefully leaving on Friday to go to a nursing home for a short stay to get some physical therapy and speech therapy.
The stroke was the type that only affected his expression. This means he cannot speak well at all nor can he write to tell us what he wants or can he gesture to tell us what he needs. Some therapy may improve this a little but probably not a whole lot. It is going to be very frustrating to care for him if he gets to come home.
We really did not want to send him to a nursing home, but both his doctors highly recommended it for a short stay to help improve his physical ability to make it safer for him to come home. Once we do bring him home it will probably be under hospice care so that I have some help in taking care of him. Even before the stroke he was going downhill very rapidly.
I’m so sorry to be the one to give you this bad news, but I knew you would want to know. The part that is really hard is that we can’t even see him in the hospital, and once he transfers to the nursing home, we still can’t see him or be with him because of the virus. We may be able to do window visits at the nursing home.
Please let me know as soon as you are back in the area. I’m sure you might want to try and visit. His time is running out. Love you.
On June 13, 2020, 1:59am, I wrote:
Oh my God!
Sorry, I just saw this – I hope Grandpa is recovering well. I’m so sorry to hear about his stroke – that must have been so frightening. How is he? Is he back at home yet? How are you doing?
I am so worried for Grandpa. Thanks so much for letting me know. I will be back in July – not sure if I’ll have to do 2 weeks of quarantine or not, but I’ll let you know as soon as I can see you and Grandpa. I just can’t believe it – Grandpa is supposed to be strong forever.
My thoughts and prayers are with you. Much love to you both, X.
On June 13, 2020, 2:39am, Ex-mother-in-law wrote:
No he is in nursing home for now. Could be a few weeks. I hate that I can’t go see him. We can do phone calls and visit at his window. You stay safe and let me know the minute you are home.
On June 12, 2020, at 9:59am, I wrote:
Will do! It really sucks that you can’t visit him properly. Hope he’s starting to get better. Take care of yourself, too.