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April 30 – Day 36, Journal

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April 10 – Day 16, Journal

A hunter separates her prey from the herd. It is astonishingly hard to corner just one of the Israeli boys. They move together, like notes in a chord, like a river whose ocean seems to be a bottle of wine and a deck of cards.

I can’t violate the student/teacher contract, can I?

I can wait. Weave the web, bide my time. No need to pounce, like a cougar. Just sit back and let him come. 3 o’clock.

Alma crashed her bike, hurt her face, and bruised her brain. How will this change the power dynamic? Will she still control her kingdom – God’s kingdom – from her cold bed?

Whose God is the strongest now?


He talks a lot, but I still don’t understand him. We found a great fucking spot, in the shade of a juniper, on the long grass on top of a nearby hill. I’m not satisfied. I want another one. Or two.

Do they feel the call of the full moon, too?

The Mormon told me that he was a Roman soldier. He told me about the battle between Cain and Abel, between Lucifer’s army of fallen angels and the holy army of God, between the roiling darkness and the sacred light through all time. I didn’t interrupt to tell him that they are one and the same.

“I can’t believe I’m telling all of this to a stranger,” he said, as we walked back in the lavender dusk.

“I’m not a stranger!” I stepped in front of him and kissed him. “Do you want to have sex again?”

I did. His passion aroused me hard, but the sun was setting. No time. I should have been back at the lodge half an hour ago. I sped back to the compound with need throbbing in me.

What does this man know about the ancient battle between good and evil? Is he crazy?