Tag: desire

“You know you’re the only other one in the world right now that knows that you’re the 23rd person in my bubble,” I announced to the Mormon as we walked hand in hand, arms swinging.

“We’re so cheeky,” he laughed, “but it’s all stupid anyway, innit? Viruses happen all the time.” He went on at length about pandemics throughout history, which was dull, but better than concentrating on Rex’s repeated attempts to get within 2 deadly meters of his potential rabbit victims.

As a result, Rex disappeared into the surrounding bushes. The Mormon’s concern grew as he called and called for him. He’d only become Rex’s owner a few months ago, when Rex’s old owner died on the toilet and somehow consequently left his old caravan and the dog to the Mormon without ever having met him.

The Mormon had a great relationship with Rex, but he didn’t know how to be a dog owner. I taught him How To Find Your Lost Dog.

“Ok. Close your eyes. Fucking breathe. Steady, calm mind. Listen. Notice the sensations in your heart and brain. Listen to your heart. See if you can feel Rex there, physically. Where is he? In which direction can you feel his life? Now, turn your body to face that direction and open your eyes.”

He did, and of course Rex was there, bursting out of the shrubbery like he’d been on his way back all along.

The Mormon relaxed. “I heard him rustling in the bushes,” he said.

His number is 13. It’s tattooed as a legion number under the Roman eagle on his right shoulder. The left shoulder is a lion’s head. Runes circle his throat, low, like a necklace. His name is printed in large runes over his right pectoral muscle, as if he needed a label.

He touched the peace symbol on my shirt. “This is wrong, you know.”

I waited for the inevitable Christian explanation that it was the cross, broken and upside down, but the Mormon surprised me.

“It’s the rune for life – the tree of life, see? It’s upside down… life gone dark. Not death, but corrupted life.”

He traced the upside-down branches on my chest and belly, and need sung again in my womb. We had sex four times today. He was delightful today – fresh, stylish clothes, clean teeth and clear speech. I noticed that his gas tank was no longer on empty. Not full, but not empty. Did something shift in the 4 days that we’d been apart?

I had resolved to let him come to me this time. It took him a while, and I was happy to use my time to weave my web at the lodge. I don’t know if it’s working at all, especially with Moshe out of play.

I want one. The Israeli boys take their shirts off to play soccer in the afternoon sun, and I watch their young bodies as I write. I especially enjoy Judah’s round muscles, proudly covered with hair and a cushy little layer of baby fat.

I feel like a Roman empress watching gladiators practice on the lawn. Five more days of lockdown. If nothing happens on Friday night, I’m afraid that i will have failed. I need more time. I need another full moon.