Tag: judgement

On April 18, 2020, at 2:48PM, X wrote:

Hi Sister! That last letter was brewing for a while, but i wanted to quickly thank you for the news and the adorable photos of the kids!

It is so cool that you put treasures inside real eggs for them!! They must have had so much fun breaking them open. You’re such a good mama!

I’m in a good spot here, i think – the population is small, and we’re all doing a good job of isolating ourselves, but of course i will take extra precautions. Thanks 💛

I will finish the other letter soon – sorry for being slow. I love you!

On April 15, 2020, at 6:44AM, Sister wrote:

Dear X, I know how humiliating and hurtful it is when Papa does that. He did the same to me around February. I had asked him for some money because we never had a vacation since… well… as long as I can remember.

The children do not know what a beach is. They have seen beaches in pictures and ask if it really exists. They never rode in a plane, train, or even car, or been in a hotel. Well, the car was trashed when the oldest was a baby, so technically, she was in the car but it was so, so long ago that she does not remember it at all. It was by no means a vacation though- it was a doctor’s visit for eczema.

Year after year we are stuck in the same city, because we haven’t the means to do better. So when I explained all this, Papa actually offered $3000 also- which was more than I thought he would give, too. I started getting all excited, making plans…  but in the end, he decided not to. His excuse was he always has to ask his wife’s permission for money transfers. 

I was totally humiliated too . I asked the same questions you are asking: why offer the money in the first place? does he need attention? No one seemed to understand. But now he is playing the same tricks on you, without even leaning on his wife for an excuse.

I guess it was so long ago for Mama, so when I complained to her, her response was a tad numb. My partner maybe thought it was funny. but I felt and still feel deeply hurt by Papa’s technique.

When a person promises something to you – and backs out, even though he is more than able to help – it is no different than stealing. I felt quite the same as when the random dude stole my camera with my children’s irreplaceable photos.

So from my experience, don’t take any guarantees from Papa. Don’t even expect an inheritance… just protect your heart from getting trampled on. 
I’ll answer the rest of your letter when I have time. I had to send this message urgently so you’d have something to brace yourself against. You are not alone! I better run

On April 18, 2020, at 6:19AM, Sister wrote:

Hi X! I finally had a moment to sit down and read more thoroughly your litterature – it is so very true about the parents!

About your roommate: you think the stink might come partially from sugar? I made an amazing discovery: when I cut out sugar ( and white flour and white rice, etc…) my stinky stink mysteriously vanished.. I did not need deodorant or even baking soda.. but if ever I have the urge or obligation for something with sugar or refined carbs, I have to use deodorant.

Well, good luck with that one. maybe you can powder her clothes with baking soda when she’s not looking.. not sure if it will help though.😒

Actually about a month ago I told Papa that I felt he saw me as a child, without responsibilities, like I don’t have a family to take care of. He said it is “not true”. But whatever. You felt it too… so maybe it is not all in my head..

I can’t stand people like Trump who are so sure of their lies that nothing is clear to me at all. They have so much in common. Trump and Papa both married some Asian looking woman. Then Trump’s own face looks like Papa’s wife’s ( how could she and Papa NOT love Trump?) both are narcissistic.

Papa uses money ( whatever power he has) to humiliate people. Trump withdraws funding from the WHO to humiliate them – though what he accused them of doing, was his own crime. Trump writes his own name on the next check to Americans, as if it is from his own pocket, and not the taxpayer’s. And Papa – well, you know. they both crave praise. They are both spiritual on purpose in front of an audience.

I just want to see the end of the matter. I want to know if their lies are a figment of my imagination, or if God saw their acts and words in the depths of my humiliation.

It must be a drag to have winter all over again. I am impressed by the NZ prime minister.. she’s the opposite of Trump. I wish you could enjoy spring there. I bet you would be happy to live there, more than in America, if you could find a foothold away from those overly religious folk.

About the boys… sure, you don’t have to care what people think, and everyone will probably just go away eventually. But still. You do care about what God thinks of you, right?. It might not feel like God is always watching you, but in the end, all of these details will come up.

Did you respect your own body? if you did not like it when people preyed on you just for fun, not sincere love, why would you do it to someone else?  Especially in this time.

The apocalypse is nearing. it is not only Covid-19, it is the locust plague in Africa, the severe earthquakes, the tornadoes that are strangely worse than usual – all grouped together in this time. Is it not evidence of God’s wrath on the people? it is time to be so serious now , not a time to play. The angel of death is stalking the streets as I say this.

Even if I got it all wrong and the End is still hundreds of thousands of years away, everything we do and say is being recorded- but enough of my blabbering. I am just concerned for you. I know you are sincere.

Ok ok maybe it is coming through… I have to be strict because my main job is making sure my own children are on the right path.🤓

They might be back to school as early as May 11, but I doubt it. I think they will only open up the less affected areas first. We might not get back til … well… September.

This one of the worst regions for Coronavirus, just right after Paris. Plus, I deeply suspect we already got it … I feel like I’ve had weird symptoms twice already. But nothing too bad, just the same dry cough, diarrhea, which came and went. Scientists are confused too, they think people can get it more than once. I guess I’ll never know.

I am not only a tad scared to see a doctor, but it is so complicated to see a doctor in the first place. You need a special document or a video conference ( too technologically advanced for the likes of me!) .. our symptoms were not too interesting anyway. Maybe it was just too much Matzah. But … matzah and diarrhea?? whatever. maybe my gluten intolerance to matzah.

Have a beautiful weekend, if possible! I hope you are allowed to keep your shabbat freely (?) 😚Love, Sister

On Apr 18, 2020, 9:00 PM, Mama wrote:

My Darling!
I don’t know what to do with your post office problems. It is a problem, I do not have a car, and my partner is going to NY periodically, then he has to stay in quarantine for the next 14 days and then, again! [So, if you want me to go I can do it on May 3 and on]

He just must control his Mother, and she needs it, she is so helpless, her cognitive qualities are going down, she forgets to eat, to take bath…She just never forgets to talk to him every day for hours on a time!

I am afraid for him: he is not the superhero as he thinks he is he is in the “risk” category person, and he is going to the epicenter of disaster in this country.

And what about me? Something is not really right. Nu, ladno, he puts himself on quarantine for 14 days and not visiting me. OK, but I rather have him here sometimes! Also, I would like to have him alive for as long as it is possible!

Also, I know how much you are tired to be a traveler and live with the stink pile in the room! I think, maybe it is an opportunity to ask to move you to another room so she will not jump on you when her craziness will workout again, maybe, it not worth waiting for this episode to happen, huh? it is dangerous to live with some mentally coo-coo head. It is scaring me.

Also, your sister wrote me a letter and said: maybe it is for good that you are there in the safe spot on the Earth, maybe, you should think about somehow settle there for a while, huh? At least to the begging of June? When restrictions here will be lifted a bit?

Also, you are maybe relaxed there, but we are going to the store for groceries [pharmacy] only once in two weeks with masks and gloves on – it is the law now in Maryland, if not – there is a fine. I forgot it is $ 300 or $ 600 now. six feet social distancing, too. 

Lapochka Sheli! It is not flu – it is some more dangerous than we thought it is. You are just in the place where the government consists of normal people who took it seriously on time to prevent the disaster.

Here is the situation not like that, really. Some money thirsty fool is on the throne in here! His every next decision for the country is more foolish than the previous, and the one after this is one… you already think – worth can’t be it is impossible – noop! He will top it!

Also, when you come all fresh here be so careful, so diligent about your safety!

Wear your mask, your gloves all the way home! Wash your gloves and ruchki each time you come home and then, face, too. leave the shoes near the door, leave your clothes, too, near the door or wash as I do. I do a shower each time I coming from outside.

Remember 6 feet distance from every enemy on your way! It is plague and dangerous, it does not make anti-bodies! So people got sick and do not know it, ok! Lucky! Then they got sick the second time, it is harder, and than third time – it is even worse!

Do not take chances! No one is invincible!  Бережённого – Бог бережёт! God saves the one who saves himself!

Do not “try” God’s patience, it looks to me – this thing has come to the limit with the introduction of COVID-19. Just let us be wise for a while – all our life is in front of us. I do not scare you, I want you to be safe as much as is humanely possible. Turn off the panic, turn on the logic, coolness, and wisdom. That is all.

Whatever you are socializing there now – enjoy it! Here – it is a different reality! We must adjust ourselves to it and prepare ourselves for the alternated life – it will not what you left here in October. Whatever you remember – it is your past.

Just remember: our family went through so many crises – it is not fun to count them. but it gave us the strength to know – we will overcome this one, too. God made his mission – to safe us and He always saves us, doesn’t matter what happens.

He never forgets His promises to our family, to chosen people. [“chosen” people -is such an old saw, and now all those Christians love using it: “Let them sneeze on me! Nothing would happen to me! Jesus blood on me!” TV news] I hate to use it, too. But it is what it is.

I do not think, God had have smeared his blood on me, but I think He gave me the wits to think about how to protect myself from all evilness and evil people’s sneezes! So, I will use His wisdom.

DO not worry, be happy. You would come here and start the new page of your life. Didn’t you wanted to do so from the beginning, huh?! We did it so many times, we will do it again. Enjoy every day you have there, every moment, even, when it looks like someone puts brakes to your wheels – you will see it why when you turn the next corner!

God is always kind, loving, thoughtful, compassionate. Have a wonderful day! And, if those stupids do not see the handsome boy, go ahead and enjoy his company yourself!

Love, love a lot, and some more, Mother